My good friend Ron Smalley has an eye and ear (well, two of each actually) for the unusual and absurd, and has been documenting such for decades. This page will feature selections from The Smalley Archive, a random sampling of Ron's notes, observations and elaborations. I will strive to update it monthly.
It should appeal to fans of Deep Thoughts, though it predates it by at least ten years. Or you may hate it. That's what great about America!
Falling down is a relaxed form of walking. I don't know what just happened, but my eyebrows are on the ceiling. I didn't want to disturb you, so I just grabbed your wrist and twisted it.
The first tool known to man was a stick with chewing gum on it. Drowning is a relaxed form of swimming. Wanted: 400 Lb. man to jump on gargantuan spiders.
I used to have a neighbor who was an Italian monkey grinder. One good way to get attention is by waving a blinking fluorescent orange thing. I'll have a mild seizure on whole wheat.
The dumber of the two managed to get her head stuck in the bed. I can't seem to get enough food or sleep. I think I have a tapeworm with insomnia. I wonder what the ratio of hula dancers is to the rest of the population.
Be polite twice, then bounce a mug off the back of his head. Before we go any further, I must tell you that my real name is Flop-House Blandersheen Welcome back to "name The Most Unusual Food You Can Throw At A Mailman"!
A prairie is a relaxed form of a mountain. Einstein was wrong! It's all cheese! The first newspaper was called Prehistoric Times.
Last Month's Archives


all text and images ©2000 by Tom Stazer
No reproduction allowed without consent of Tom Stazer
Like this'll stop you thieving cyber-weasels.