The Smalley Archives: This IS a drill!

My good friend Ron Smalley has an eye and ear (well, two of each actually) for the unusual and absurd, and has been documenting such for decades. This page will feature selections from The Smalley Archive, a random sampling of Ron's notes, observations and elaborations. I will strive to update it monthly.
It should appeal to fans of Deep Thoughts, though it predates it by at least ten years. Or you may hate it. That's what great about America!

I'll have a double whopper with nothing. No meat, no seasoning, no bun...I'll just pay for it and leave. She likes classical music - she's one of those cultural stereo types. Let's toast the President! Go get the Presidential Toaster!

I just got kicked out of existence. The back of my head is all worn out. That's my latest invention, it's called A Pain In The Butt.

There's a guy on the other side of that hill who appears to be milking
a Volkswagen. Not to be cruel or anything, but you could drive a bulldozer up Jeff's nostrils. Should you really be performing an appendectomy on yourself in your condition?

In the parking lot we happened
across an Alfa-Romeo, and right
next to it sat a Freudian Indication. Wouldn't you like to make extra money in your spare tire? I didn't say I was odd; I said I was awed.

Don't ask me - I just said I really think there's something foreign
about my bathroom. The waste is familiar, but I can't place the blame. The spectre of excess talking looms ahead.

The Mouse brothers-Mickey and Mighty. I'll have a Jumbo Mumbo Jumbo Burger and a Roly Poly Cola. I once laid a major egg onto this very stage.

We are never far from losing it completely. I hope you like spaghetti with foam rubber sauce! Stumbling up the stairs enrages the Fire God!

My cat is unable to purr because as
a kitten he suffered a purrcussion. No holiday feasting for me this year, I'm on a strict diet of Zingers and beer. Isadora Duncan must be a really rotten dancer by now.

all text and images ©1999 by Tom Stazer
No reproduction allowed without consent of Tom Stazer
Like this'll stop you thieving cyber-weasels.

I'll have a double whopper with nothing. No meat, no seasoning, no bun...I'll just pay for it and leave.	She likes classical music - she's one of those cultural stereo types.	Let's toast the President! Go get the Presidential Toaster!
I just got kicked out of existence.	The back of my head is all worn out.	That's my latest invention, it's called A Pain In The Butt.
There's a guy on the other side of that hill who appears to be milking a Volkswagen.	Not to be cruel or anything, but you could drive a bulldozer up Jeff's nostrils.	Should you really be performing an appendectomy on yourself in your condition?
In the parking lot we happened across an Alfa-Romeo, and right next to it sat a Freudian Indication.	Wouldn't you like to make extra money in your spare tire?	I didn't say I was odd; I said I was awed.
Don't ask me - I just said I really think there's something foreign about my bathroom.	The waste is familiar, but I can't place the blame.	The spectre of excess talking looms ahead.
The Mouse brothers-Mickey and Mighty.	I'll have a Jumbo Mumbo Jumbo Burger and a Roly Poly Cola.	I once laid a major egg onto this very stage.
We are never far from losing it completely.	I hope you like spaghetti with foam rubber sauce!	Stumbling up the stairs enrages the Fire God!
My cat is unable to purr because as a kitten he suffered a purrcussion.	No holiday feasting for me this year, I'm on a strict diet of Zingers and beer.	Isadora Duncan must be a really rotten dancer by now.