THE LIONHEART STORIES

Since Critters was an anthology, not every Lionheart story was accompanied by a cover. I have shown here only my covers, respecting the rights of the artists whose work graced the often beautiful covers of Critters. Follow links to excerpts, or just visit the gallery that follows these story synopsis pages.

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CRITTERS #35-37
Rich And Stupid

Lionheart poses as a bodyguard in order to interview egomaniacal movie comic Freddy Lucre,who is quite paranoid. And with good reason, it turns out - someone is trying to kill him! Freddy is one of those stars who, after a series of inexplicably popular films, write, direct and star in a horribly bloated and incoherent project of their own making. Think Harlem Nights and Hudson Hawk. Lionheart gets more than an interview, as he accompanies Freddy on his near-death trek across the promotional landscape.
Freddy's stalker is finally revealed as one of the manufacturers of merchandising tie-ins for Lucre's failed epic, The Soaring Of Buddy Sawbuck. His overstock of Freddy lunch pails and mouse pads has driven him over the edge.

As mentioned previously, I can write parodies of pop culture in my sleep, so this was an easy one to pull together. I really enjoyed laying on the detail in any shot of product merchandising, and you can browse the panels set in the merchandise warehouse for hours without ever seeing every movie tie-in. It seemed appropriate to include a tie-in in this story, so J.P. Morgans' Fission Chicken flies in at the end to save the day.

 

CRITTERS #43
The Tenants

Yet another alien is lurking in Lionheart's vicinity, and this one has way too many eyes and teeth. Following up on a strange letter, He meets Crystal, a woman who sees monsters on her TV. Lionheart dismisses her story too quickly, and leaves just before the alien comes - a - knockin'. He arrives in the nick of time to endanger everyone and make a mess of everything; it was of course a friendly alien.

Oh, the joy of 24 pages in which to tell a story! Lionheart breaks free of 8 pagers just in time for the collapse of Critters. The alien is one of my favorite creations, with his multidirectional features and continuous mouth. A delight to draw. Ditto for his room fulla junk, which is thick with detail and shadow.
I love SCTV and reference it occasionally in my work; this story has my favorite homage. Al Camembert and Floyd Robertson are the off-screen newscasters.
Hey, look - a girl! There aren't a lot of them in Lionheart stories, and I've never really warmed up to the idea of funny animals with lipstick and heels. That whole porno funny animal underground is a mystery to me.
Fun coincidence: in this, my first all-Lionheart issue, is a letter from a reader trashing Lionheart whilst praising others. A "creatively labored effort" he called it. The punch line? He's from my home town of Erie. That's why I left there in the first place, people like him. People who tape Gilligan's Island and eat too much pork.

 

all images ©1999 by Tom Stazer

No reproduction allowed without consent of Tom Stazer

Like this'll stop you thieving cyber-weasels.